ReEntry Entry #2

It's been just over 2 months since I got back to the States. It's kind of the same feeling I had after my first 2 months in Africa - the honeymoon stage is over. The novelty of eating good ice cream and having a fridge has worn off, but like a blurry image coming into focus, the longer I'm back, the more perspective I've gained on my experience in Cameroon. It's still not totally clear, but I'm finding I can articulate more easily the things I miss and the merits of my experiences over there. I'm becoming increasingly content with the amount of stuff I DID get to do, even though I spent an inordinate amount of time twiddling my thumbs too. The more I've talked to people about it, the more I've realized that I got to do some pretty neat stuff at the hospital that I couldn't have anywhere else really. Of course I would have liked to do more of the hands on stuff like starting IV's and giving injections, but I definitely came to the realization that a big chunk of a physician's career is spent doing the menial stuff: Paperwork, repetitive examinations, diagnoses, and writing prescriptions to name a few things. I heard a saying that I wish I had heard in Africa, and it goes something like this: Even if your job is tasting pies, you're gonna taste a bad pie every now and then. Not sure if that would have helped me feel better while I was IN the situation, but it sure seems applicable to me now! Another thing that's helped is the job I have now I'm getting a ton of shadowing and hands-on experience. It's keeping me steadily busy which is a nice change. I'm really grateful to have the job, and I feel like I'm making up for lost time and slowly stretching my mind back into shape.


Speaking of being busy, that's one thing I don't feel like I've completely gotten used to yet back here. Life is up and down as usual, but I feel like I was riding a bike over rolling hills in Cameroon, and when I got back home I'm now riding a pogo stick in an earthquake. The summer has been simultaneously great, awful, relaxing, stressful, and many other adjectives. I mean in 8 weeks of being back I've gone skydiving, celebrated my brother's graduation, coughed for 4 weeks and been diagnosed with bronchitis, attended 5 baseball games (checking off numbers 6 and 7 next week), lost 5 pounds, driven thousands of miles, hugged hundreds of friends and relatives, lost a good friend, sold a car, and worked full time for the last 6 weeks. I don't have the feeling of control I vaguely remember having pre-Africa. It seems like things are progressing so quickly and I don't really have time to process it all. I was feeling overwhelmed, out of place, and frankly a little beaten down recently. It took me until a few days ago to recall "Oh yeah, I just got back from the other side of the world. That must be why I'm feeling kinda off". The good news is that I'm pretty sure this is all normal. They don't mess around when they say it's harder to reintegrate in your own culture than it is to get used to another one. I catch myself wishing things would be more like they were before I left. I don't think it's "things" that's changed though, it's been me. I kinda hope the general feeling of gnawing discontent goes away though, it's pretty crummy. I think that right now I yearn for the old normal, and eventually my present reality will become the new normal. Being an SM was "life changing" that's for sure!


Just within the past week or so I've had flashbacks from Africa which is new. I'll imagine myself jogging across the street with a bag full of groceries or hailing a taxi, pretty mundane stuff but what strikes me is the color. These memories have such vivid amounts of color, the perpetual green of the jungle plants , the day-glo yellow taxis driving up and down the road, the blue sky that is almost eclipsed by the sheer size of Mt. Cameroon in the backdrop. The reddish dirt, black rocks, and even the multicolored garbage on the roadside sticks pretty clearly in my mind. I remember Cameroon being so colorful, which would have struck me as hilarious if you told me while I was there that I would be remembering the color later on. The suppressed painter in me (VERY suppressed - I'm a horrendous painter) really longs to see colors so intense again. Anyway, I still miss the gym, I still miss the excuse (and the time) to study and practice French, and I still don't miss the food that much.