Tiny Tropical Taquitos

First of all I'd like to mention that choosing the title this week was an excruciatingly difficult tossup between "Beanied Babies" and "Tiny Tropical Taquitos". Hands down hardest decision of the week.

It's been another week at the grind. Things at work are still about the same. The hardest part of it all is doing stuff that I don't want to do after work. I mean, after you've spent 8 hours doing something you don't want to do, the last thing you want to do is more stuff you don't want to do. A small consolation is that I'm sure I'm not the only person who's experienced this! That's why I try to relish every minute of not working. I tell myself that even the stuff I don't want to do is something different than the 8 hours of stuff I didn't want to do, but already did.
Last Sunday I ran out of chores, so I made the trip all the way to Limbe with the sole intention of finding and purchasing mangoes. They weren't easy to find, but I eventually did manage to buy about 10 of them! Definitely worth the searching, they tasted great! Later this week I actually found more in Buea. I also got 2 care packages this week, so that was a good morale booster.  Wednesday of this week was pretty interesting. Our plumber seems to be providentially (for him, not us) re-contracted for every job the hospital needs. He's worked in my apartment twice and done a real bang-up job. On Wednesday he was working in the doctor's office during a consultation. He was methodically hitting the faucet with a hammer. I'm not sure what he was expecting to happen, but all this hammering came to fruition and he sheared the entire pipe right off of the wall. Cue the onslaught of water. The plumber attempted to remedy this problem by sticking his thumb in the pipe. Ever stuck your thumb over the end of a hose? Same effect. The patient, the doctor, the doctor's paperwork, the curtains, the table, and I all received a good drenching.
I took this as an omen that I should visit one of the local hotel's swimming pools that I'd heard about. I had a great time swimming laps, even though the visibility of the water was only like a meter and a half. I also bit the bullet and solicited the services of a Cameroonian barber. He actually did a decent job. My haircut vaguely resembled the picture I showed him, so I was impressed. He was very thorough, touching up my facial hair and even inside my nose a little! (Imagine getting your nose hair trimmed with a full size pair of clippers that are hot from running on and off all day. My eyes are watering just remembering)
Speaking of all this water, the weather has been starting to get a more cloudy, and even more humid. I didn't think it could possibly get any more humid, but it did! We haven't had any rain yet, but it looks like it could come at any time. We're starting to reach the end of the dry season here, so I don't know if it will gradually get rainy or if it's just gonna start one day and not stop until I leave. I'll keep ya'll posted.

Here's another culture thing I've noticed here. People always ask for food. It's not even the type of thing where they ask to bum a couple chips off you if you're eating them. They're more like asking you to bring them an entire bag of chips, or even cook them food sometimes. I can't even count the times I've run into a "Hey, do you have anything for me?" kind of scenario. They'll even guilt you: "Why don't you ever bring me anything nice?". Lady at the post office hit me with that one a while back. This strikes me as being pretty rude, but understanding that it's a part of their culture takes away some of my incredulity. Of course, in our culture asking for any kind of gift or handout is considered rude, so this was a big shock for me! I don't think it's the "I'm white and therefore loaded" type of a thing either, because I'm pretty sure they do it to each other too.
My grasp of the idea is still foreign, because I essentially see it as just another bribe, this time of the food variety. It's used to buy off friendship or earn a little credibility. Incidentally the lady at the post office complained every time I came in an hour before the listed closing time. An hour before closing?! What kind of a government institution is this? And what could she possibly have to do than her job during business hours? I don't even know. But ever since I took her a cup of chocolate pudding she seems to be a little less grumpy. I'd return the "favor" of mooching food off people, but as a picky eater by African standards (i.e. vegetarian) it'd be awfully risky.

Not surprisingly, African child rearing is a lot different than it is in the U.S. For one thing, nobody here is refusing vaccinations on account of any reason other than not having the money (some shots are free though). I think that's mainly due to the fact that when you're in Africa the general feeling is that nature's out to kill you, whereas in the U.S. people see the outdoors as an all-you-can-eat buffet of recreational opportunities. In hanging out with Americans who have an infant child, I noticed another consequence of these differing views. When I was with these Americans I noticed their baby was wearing only two articles of clothing: a diaper and onesie (one of those unisex numbers that's reminiscent of a one-piece swimsuit). The only reason I even took note of this fact is that it triggered the realization that every single African baby I've seen here has been bundled up like the little brother from A Christmas Story. I mean, we're talking fleece-jacketed, mittened, double-wool-socked, beanied babies here.
 I'm not sure what the reason for this is, but I suspect that the African parents are hoping to offer their child some protection from mosquito bites. If this is the case, they oughtn't bother.  I would guess (and this isn't even an exaggeration) that 99.5% of Cameroonian children contract malaria at least once by the time they're 2 years old. Not to mention the American kiddo rolls around in diapers and hasn't had malaria yet (knock on wood, she's still got a ways to go before she's 2!).
The other, more obvious explanation seems almost too absurd to mention. Maybe these parents think their babies are cold. This would have to be one doozy of an old wives' tale. I mean, how anyone could convince a parent that their baby is cold in a climate this hot and humid is beyond me. Sure, it can get cool at night, but these parents have their babies straight up swathed 24 hours a day. It seems to me like the equivalent of locking an infant in a car on a 35 degree day (remember, I'm in C mode). Cruel and unusual. And on top of that the humidity here is so high that even I bouncing curls like Shirley Temple (okay, not really).
By the time the toddlers are walking the parents usually have opted for a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, so they come around eventually. And when I'm in villages I've definitely seen a fair amount of streaking by kids under the age of 6 especially near running water sources. That mental picture right there should give you a quintessential understanding of how typhoid fever and malaria spread.
Another kind of interesting thing to mention is that I haven't seen a single pacifier since I've been here. I'm not sure about this, but it may have something to do with the fact that breastfeeding in public is commonplace here, negating the purpose of a pacifier. Maybe pacifiers are just out of vogue all over the world, I don't keep track. Now that I've mentioned two hot button issues in one paragraph (vaccinations and breastfeeding in public) I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

TL;DR Work this week was mostly unimpressive as usual. Last Sunday I made a trip to Limbe just to buy mangoes. Maybe a little crazy, but 40 hours a week of copying patient information by hand is enough to drive most people slightly nuts. The highlight of the workweek was when the plumber decided to play Shamu and soaked everyone in the front row. He's great at making big messes, but I can't speak for his ability to actually fix plumbing. I also checked out a hotel swimming pool that was murky, but adequate. Got a haircut from a Cameroonian barber later that day. He probably would have shaved my legs for me if I'd let him, but I stopped him once he got to my neck. I've found that mooching food here is almost obligatory, and parents here wrap their kids up like tiny tropical taquitos until they're old enough to walk.

Chillin with the abominable snowman (more like sweating it out with the abominable snowman)

Hotel Chariot pool. The only pool in town as far as I know (and therefore the deadliest. Multiple people drown here each year according to the Cameroonian doctor at the hospital)

Feel like a raging narcissist posting 3 selfies in a row, but this is how my haircut turned out. Next week there'll be more pictures of stuff other than yours truly.

A 3-Hour Tour...

Sorry I'm late this week! Our internet went down Wednesday, and in true African style it took until Saturday afternoon to get it working again. Anyway, it's working again thankfully!

Job update: I've learned and re-learned the fact that I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a pencil pusher. It's actually pretty ironic, because before coming here I absolutely hated any type of paperwork. Who would have imagined that I would end up doing mostly that when I came here? Clearly, I still don't care for it, but having endured it so much I think I will have a little more tolerance for it in the future. As long as I never have to do it 8 hours for 8 months again. I try to have a good sense of humor about the whole situation, and it's building character I guess. I still have waves of boredom and discouragement though. Especially when I catch flak (like I did this week), but that's how life goes! I've long since accepted the idea that I won't feel appreciated or needed here, and realized that that's not my fault, or anyone's really. I'm still hoping to have the chance to work in different parts of the hospital, but as the months go by that's looking less and less likely.

It's been a rollercoaster week, but overall pretty decent. The 4-day weekend improved my overall outlook and energy level. Unfortunately, ever since last Thursday I have had some kind of laryngeal phlegm situation going on. This in combination with really bad insomnia at the beginning of the week was a bit of a drag. I don't know if I'm actually getting sick or am just having a reaction to all the dust and dryness of the season. Either way, I've been tired this week! Last Saturday I went with the usual German group and a handful of Africans to an island off the coast in Limbe. The boat ride to and from the spot was...    thrilling. Our vessel was more comparable to a giant canoe than a typical seagoing vessel. As one might expect from a canoe in the ocean, it was super tippy and had about 6 inches of water in the bottom of it at any given time. The waves splashing over the bow were probably the most concerning part. Once we got there it became clear that this was a very small island, and there wasn't much to do there (the beach was tiny, rocky, and the swimming sucked because of all the rocks). Interesting or not I'm SO MAD because I brought my camera, but left the SD card in my computer. Did the same thing climbing Mt. Cameroon. Of course the only times there's anything to take a picture of, I'm caught with my pants around my ankles. Anyway, that's why there's no pictures this week. At the beach with nothing better to do, I spent 2 or 3 hours filling my pockets with sea glass. My theory is that people come to this island, get sozzled, and leave their broken bottles everywhere. There was so much sea glass. You could probably have filled at least one 5 gallon bucket (maybe even 2) with all of it, and the beach area was only about the size of a basketball court. It was insane. There was quite a bit of other, less attractive litter on the island too. All of the white people were trying to clean it up a little, while all of the Africans in our group pretty much canceled out our efforts. The group brought bread, Nutella, and pastries to eat for lunch, and later they prepared something with meat in it so I didn't eat any of that.  We spent about 6 hours there on the island, and it was interesting at first, not to mention relaxing. I was in the mood for a little more adventure though. I guess the boat situation quenched some of that thirst, but if there was a whale or a shark or something involved I'd have been more stoked. I'm needing to make a trip to Yaounde very soon to renew my visa, as it expires near the end of March. This is going to be a bit pricey, but I'm thinking I'll spend a night there and check out the town some while I'm out that direction. Apparently I can get a guest room at the SDA Union office for a really good price, as long as there's a vacancy.

Cameroon has tested my ability to do quick mental math. For instance, if you receive 3 coins in change from the taxi driver, how many different ways could he have given you the wrong change (not counting the coins that fell out of your pocket and got lost in the seat cushion during the trip)? Since the coins here are redesigned every time they mint a new batch (about every 10 years, part of the reason correct change is so hard to come by) sometimes you'll find that a 500 franc piece is the same approximate size and color as a 100 franc piece of a different vintage. It's also important to be able to quickly calculate cost/unit. In the U.S. buying in bulk is more economical 99% of the time. Here it's quite the opposite. A great example: Buying 1, 100 gram bar of chocolate costs 800 francs at most stands. However, buying 4, 25 gram bars costs only 150 francs apiece. This means my way is 200 francs cheaper (savings of about 40c). In perspective, this is actually a reasonable amount of money - it'd pay for your taxi ride to and from the place to actually buy the chocolate (or an extra 25 grams of chocolate and a long walk...) At any rate, it's important to keep an eye out for a cheaper alternative, and sometimes it's the opposite of what one might expect! Especially in stores and to some extent at roadside stands, the buying pressure is usually pretty low, but in the market it's hard to focus on what's a better price with all the chaos going around you. And if you even briefly make eye contact with someone or even glance in their general direction, they'll do just about everything short of physically dragging you to their stand to get your business. I've started wearing dark sunglasses any time I go and consciously focusing on using my peripheral vision. It's also good practice at firmly saying "I'm not interested". And keeping a sharp eye for pickpockets on top of all this makes shopping feel more like starring in a Jason Bourne movie.

TL;DR Another week of desk work in the history books! I'm the one writing the "history books" here at the hospital, and I have to say I like learning history better than recording it. It was a good week despite a bit of a cough and several sleepless nights. Last weekend I went to an island on a boat that even the Gilligan's Island cast would probably be suspicious of, and we were "stranded" on a small island for most of the day. Going out to shop for groceries at the market is a little like visiting WalMart in Merced on the day government checks arrive. It's tricky here because buying more isn't always a better value!

Marching through February

I've heard talk lately of getting the wifi range at the hospital extended. This would mean wifi access in my apartment and at work in the OPD (Outpatient department). Good grief that would be nice. I say "would be" instead of "will be" because I doubt it'll happen (if it does happen while I'm here it will be nothing short of miraculous). Even though Prosper and Mrs. Bellosillo have both mentioned it, I've learned that everything in Africa is tentative up until the moment that it's already happened. I definitely miss that about home. Being able to take people at their word. It's not that everyone's a liar exactly, it's just that there's a lot of pipe dreams that people aren't willing to see through. I miss the feeling of progress. Africa feels like the land that improvement left behind. It's an odd potpourri of people with smart phones, chickens and goats roaming free, public urination, and shoddy African workmanship. Even if they had great building materials, technologies, etc, the human resources tend to thwart any benefit of material resources. A building made of the best materials is still a dump if it's not constructed well. And if a building isn't maintained? Don't even think about it lasting. The jungle overtakes civilization at an unbelievable rate. Probably part of this progress problem lies in the extreme corruption (especially in the education system), but I think the cultural view of work ethic here is pretty apathetic. That's not to say everyone's lazy. Work smart, not hard is a good model in this case. Except here people choose one or the other. Working "smart" means taking shortcuts (and bribes more than likely). Basically leaves working well out of the equation entirely. Working hard means that the person probably hasn't received enough education to land a "working smart" job. And working well still isn't necessarily a given. Either way, I look forward to returning to American soil where progress is taken for granted. Anyway, enough of the criticism, on to something more upbeat:

Yesterday I got up and did my usual morning routine: eat breakfast, download French vocabulary to study during work, check my emails, check the traps (usually I get more emails than mice), and get ready for work. I showed up to the clinic a little late (traffic was pretty bad in the 50 meters between my apartment and the clinic...   that's my story and I'm stickin to it). Anyway, I didn't need an excuse because there wasn't anyone there! Patients, employees, stray chickens - the clinic was totally empty! I wandered back to my apartment not sure what to do. I checked the date. February 11...   what could that mean? I saw one of the nurses and asked "Ou ont tout le monde?" which is my poor French rendition of "Where is everyone?". I literally asked where the entire world is, which I'm not sure is exactly correct. She replied "Sais pas quoi" - I don't know! I wandered some more and ran into another nurse. This one explained to me (in English) that it was a national holiday: National Youth Day. Not sure what that meant at the time, I asked for the Cliff's notes version. She told me "Just go up to Bongo Square (Yes, I know it sounds like it's straight out of Donkey Kong, but that's neither here nor there) and you'll see a big parade of all the preschoolers, primary schoolers, high schoolers, university students, gendarmes, police, nursing students, culinary arts students, underwater basket weaving students." (and she went on ad nauseum for effect. So much for the Cliff's notes thing.) Okay, I thought to myself, looks like I'm getting a day off. I am ok with this. I took off at a brisk walk for Bongo Square. In theory a taxi would have been faster, but it was still only 8:15 and every official event here has started at least two hours late. I didn't know what time this was scheduled to start but I figured that I would have plenty of time. In addition, I only had a 5,000 franc note, and trying to get change for 5,000 from a taxi driver is like asking a penguin to recite the Gettysburg Address - expecting way too much. I walked past a lot of people who had set up shop near the area of the parade, selling spaghetti and hard-boiled egg sandwiches, bonbons, chunks of beef(...?) out of metal pots, yogurt, etc. I made it up to the square and waited around for like an hour and a half. I finally meandered over to one of the grandstands and found a seat. There was a live band there from the University, which was pretty neat. They actually weren't half bad! I knew things were getting close to kickoff when the governor's convoy rolled up. The parade finally started after I heard the Cameroonian national anthem for the first time and we listened to some 30 minute pre-recorded speech over the loudspeaker. Actually I shouldn't say we listened, I should say the speech was played. It was so quiet that nobody realized what was going on, so the dull roar of about 1000 individual conversations drowned out the moving words (clearly no Gettysburg Address) I'm sure were being delivered by some Cameroonian bigshot. Maybe even the President...? During this speech the 2-year-old sitting next to me developed a fascination with ma casquette et mes lunettes de soleil (baseball cap n' sunglasses). We took some killer selfies. The first group to finally go was the "nursing care" students. This is an all-in-one term describing pre-preschool, preschool, and kindergarten. Ages 3-5. Their interpretations of marching were pretty comical. The uproarious laughter lasted for about 10 minutes. I think all in all easily 1500-2000 kids eventually walked by, herded past by plenty of stressed out teachers. After that I watched scads of primary schoolers walk by, singing some song about the President leading Cameroon to "emergence" (whatever that means). From the national anthem to this point it had been almost an hour and a half, and I was getting restless and hungry. I left the grandstand to get closer and take a few pictures, and made my way back toward the hospital buying some snacks here and there along the way (changed that 5,000 in a grocery store finally!). The rest of the day was spent taking a siesta, studying French, making dinner, and lifting weights at the gym. The holiday was definitely unexpected, but you won't hear any complaints here!

As this parade was going on I felt the tiniest spark of something that I can only compare to patriotism. Obviously for a Cameroonian it would probably be a lot stronger, but to me it was just a dope experience to see such a display of national pride. I haven't seen anything like it since I've been here. Of course I'm not turning my back on the colors that don't run, I will still love apple pie and baseball (and PB&J) no matter how many parades or other civic events I see. Don't get me started on the presidential candidates, but I still love MOST aspects of my country! It was simply a great opportunity to see how other people show their allegiance to the nation that's made them what they are, for better or for worse.

TL;DR Things at the hospital are progressing as usual. And when I say "progressing" I mean it's nearly at a standstill. Every step forward is met by countless obstacles, which I'm sure are a telephone-pole-sized thorn in the sides of the administration. Yesterday I was surprised by a national holiday which gave me a day off and an interesting way to spend part of it - watching a parade. It was a nice time to get some big stuff done: namely mopping my apartment. I ended up taking today off too, giving myself a much desired 4-day weekend.

Entrance to the Sunday market

Standard thoroughfare in the market

Chawarma stand. Some people might say to look for the s#*! on a spit. Not me of course :)

Crowds as far as the eye can see on parade day

I wear my sunglasses at night...

Converting  Cameroon to Giants fans one toddler at a time

The Rich, the Famous, the Expats

This last Sunday I made an impromptu trip to the beach. During my visit I met a really nice French couple (who both spoke English perfectly, as much as I could have used the French practice). All I wanted was for someone to keep an eye on my backpack, but they went the extra mile. They invited me to move my stuff into their cabana, and we talked and swam together for a while. I played a lawn game with them that was a little like a cross between bowling and throwing a stick. They even gave me a ride back to the main drag in Limbe, which was awesome of them! That was the first time I've been in an air conditioned car in 4 months - remarkably plush! Oh, to be an expat. I mean, 4 windows down, 70km/hr works, but only so well. A/C's the way to go. In talking to them I learned that my keen devotion to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is quite a stereotypical "American" thing. They said that they've never tried one and it sounds repulsive to them. They don't know what they're missing! I'm really thankful that they extended such hospitality to me and let me crash their "party".

At the beach this time, the waves were much bigger than I've even seen them before! They were actually scary a couple times. There's a boogie board that seems to "live" at the beach, but the leash is long gone, so I either had to try and throw it over a big wave, hang on and get hammered, and/or let go and then have to slog back to the shore to get it. Diving under the waves with a leash would have been way easier! I managed to get a pretty good nasal flush a couple of times. I blew my nose Monday morning and could see a few grains of black sand, and later in the week when I cleaned my ears I noticed more. Maybe I could bring some black sand home and give a few vials to some people, as long as they don't have any qualms about me having smuggled it in my sinuses.

The work week has been extraordinarily mundane, except for getting a new outpatient registration book. Since that seems to be my fated job for the rest of my time here, I've been learning the pros and cons (mostly cons) of filling out this new book. It asks for much more information, which I have to hound the receptionist(s) to ask the patients for. Not super fun! The only good part about it is that it takes a LOT more time to fill out. This means less idle time which makes the time seem to pass by more quickly. Fortunately, I've seen the light with my job a little bit, and have conveniently redefined what "medical experience" means to me. Before, well...     Thursday, it consisted of hands-on stuff: giving injections, starting IV's, delivering babies, etc. Now I've kind of blurred the lines and am counting consultation interviews, physical exams, ordering lab tests, and prescribing meds. Taken as a whole, I've actually had quite a bit of relevant medical experience. I do spend a lot of time filling out that God-forsaken book, but I also have gotten to help the doctor out with a bunch of the previously listed things. It's not always as exciting as giving an injection, and I've still only done 2 IV's (not to mention I haven't witnessed a single delivery), but I'll take it for what it is. When not working I've been hitting the French hard. The past week I've probably spent an average of 2 hours per day studying. At this rate I'm hoping I will be semi-conversational by May! I also went to the gym a few times this week. Other than that, nothing remarkable has happened.

I'm a little bummed that I'll be missing the Super Bowl this year. Even if I did have a way of watching it, it starts at like 12:30 am on a Monday morning. I guess that'd be a good excuse to take a day off, but I don't think it's airing on any of the channels here in Africa. My team just missed making it in, but still, it's an American tradition for pity sakes! I'd even eat an entire bowl of guacamole during the game if it made the difference between seeing it or not seeing it, and I hate guacamole.

I know I spend an inordinate amount of time talking about food on my blog post, but this weekend I really have some lofty cooking aspirations. I decided I want to make grilled cheese for dinner tonight. That meant I had to go buy sliced bread (I've only ever bought French baguettes before, sliced bread in "loaves" isn't common here) and cheese, which is also hard to come by (read: expensive). The cheese wasn't gonna keep and I wouldn't need it all for grilled cheese, so I plan to make a cheese omelet tomorrow for breakfast. I only used like 6 slices of bread, leaving me with leftovers of that too, so I decided on French toast for Sunday's breakfast instead of the usual pancakes. That meant I had to buy milk and eggs this afternoon. Well, French toast wouldn't use up all the milk, so I bought cereal too for later this week. Wanting a grilled cheese sandwich (or 3) turned into buying a freakin boatload of groceries. Funny how that works. I have to carefully plot out my meals based on what I'm planning to buy so that nothing goes to waste. I don't have a fridge, though I've been known to sneak things into the fridge they use in the hospital for drugs from time to time. I only leave it in there overnight though because I'm afraid it will get eaten or thrown out! I know for certain that when I'm back in the U.S. I'll never take kitchen appliances for granted again. Having a refrigerator, dishwasher, garbage disposal, heck, even a toaster oven, is a serious luxury! These things are all technically available in Cameroon, but I only have 2 outlets in my room, and the price tends to favor ownership by the rich and famous. Or expats. I guess maybe there's no difference. Anyway, I don't see the point in shelling out $400 for a dorm sized fridge that I'll just have to turn around and sell again in a few short months. That means I either have to go shopping for fresh food every couple days OR suck it up and eat that overripe banana that has the consistency of Vaseline. Also foods with a lot of preservatives are definitely a lifesaver. I honestly don't know what I'd do without peanut butter. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to survive.

TL;DR I went to the beach. Again. Got so caught up making new friends that I didn't get any photos. Later on the week kind of ambled along, nothing too exciting happened. I'm missing the SuperBowl this year, and although the Seahawks aren't in it, I'm still somewhat disappointed to not be able to see it. I went on the grocery shopping trip/scavenger hunt of a lifetime today, and it all started with a hankerin' for some grilled cheese sandwiches. They turned out better than I expected, and I'm hoping the French toast planned for Sunday meets or exceeds my expectations too.

Keeping the doctor's seat warm, interpreting a lab test

I never knew that laundry water got this dirty until I started doing laundry by hand

Rainbow fish has a reptilian cousin?

Employee productivity is at an all time high.

This cow was just chillin across the street from the hospital. Not tied up or anything.