Over the Hills and Far Away

Today was a national holiday in Cameroon. I guess Good Friday is nationally observed here. I thought Easter was in April usually, but I heard about this day off on Wednesday and immediately started making plans so that I'd have a good reason to not be around and get snookered into working. I ended up going to the house of my American missionary friends to help them out with some moving/organizing at their school, as well as doing 2 loads of laundry in their washer and dryer. This was HUGE for me! The clothes I sent through are so clean I hardly recognized them afterwards. Not to mention it only took an hour to dry each load instead of all day! I also took a hot shower at their house this week which another story for another time but it was the first one I've had in 6 months!

This Sunday I'll be saying goodbye to David, my closest friend here. He's headed back to Germany since his program at the uni is finished. It's tough to see him go, but it also makes me realize that I'll be headed home myself in about 7 weeks! It's gone by fast in hindsight, but man the workdays sure do drag by slow. I made a point to hang out with David extra this last week or two. Last weekend we went to visit a farm out in the tullies. This was a pretty fun trip. We got 4 guys on one motorcycle (me, David, another friend, plus the driver). We rode that way over fairly rough dirt roads for half an hour in each direction so that was an...     experience.

Once we made it to the hinterlands, I was able to try the fruit of a cacao seed pod. The seeds themselves are used to make chocolate, but they're surrounded by a white slimy pulp that tastes super nice, and get this: nothing at all like chocolate. It's almost got a citrus flavor to it. At any rate, that was quite a nice treat. I trekked through the jungle with shorts on and got 30-40 mosquito bites on my ankles which was not such a nice treat. I also climbed a mango tree to harvest some mangoes, which was a new experience for me as well. Somewhere on the way to this village, I was upset to find that my pocket knife either fell or was picked out of my pocket. Served me well for almost 10 years! Got my money's worth out of it a few times over and now whoever finds it will probably get more of my money's worth out of it. Fortunately David offered to sell me his knife since he is headed home and can get a new one easily. Anyway, I'm not without a knife, which is a big plus when it comes to eating mangoes and doing other knife-y stuff (like opening care packages!)

I had good news on the visa front this week finally. I didn't have to go back to Yaounde personally, and my visa was mailed through a bus service to be taken care of by the Union office. I'm stuck in Buea until they've finished and returned my new visa, so hopefully they're quick about it. I'm not expecting it back any sooner than 2 weeks though. And if it goes off without a hitch it will be nothing short of a miracle. I'm sure there's some malfunction that's coming my way, but there's no sense in worrying about it because nothing I can do will make the process any quicker. I also have a roommate again. The new Cameroonian doctor who will be subbing for Dr. Bellosillo when he goes on leave next month.  According to the hospital administration, he's going to be staying "only a couple days" while he finds his own apartment (it's already been 3 nights and it doesn't look like he's moving out anytime soon). It's difficult to fit two people in such a small room, especially since we have different schedules, lifestyles, preferences, first languages, etc. Plus I've been in the room for a while so my stuff fills up most of the place and he's living out of a suitcase, so it's probably tough on him too! Guess it's cheaper than a hotel, but I'm hoping the discomfort is incentive for him to find a place quick!

There's a good reason that you don't see any advertisements for "Cameroon Airlines". After logging  12 hours on a bus with no better way to entertain myself, I came up with what one might expect on a flight on the prestigious Nglonkafac Air or whatever eventual name an airline like this might receive:

For convenience, you'll board our planes directly on the runway (Show up on time, but understand that flights are subject to up to 2 hours of delay due to motorcycles blocking the runway.) Nglonkafac Airl believes in economy, so there are 4 people to every 3 seats. Additionally, we dabble in freight services so your luggage will be conveniently strapped to the roof of the plane. Any luggage which has made it through the flight can be collected in a big pile on the tarmac at your destination. The plane will be stopping at every airport between the flight's origin and destination to see if anyone wants to squeeze in. Here at Nglonkafac Air, we believe in preserving the planet, so we use recycled tires from taxis on our landing gear! Don't worry about the nuisance of preparing for take-off and landing! Bacteria-abundant tray tables have been removed entirely, and we welded the seats in the upright position around the 4th time the cushions were reupholstered. Additionally, our reading lights are strategically positioned to shine directly in the eyes of those wishing to sleep, and to not work for those wishing to read. Our pilots are highly qualified with plenty of practical experience: Each has logged at least 100 hours in the cockpit, and has been in an average of 3.8 wrecks, so rest assured that they're well prepared to land the plane in the event of an emergency!
If you're really feeling royal, consider Nglonkafac Air's VIP section. Don't be deterred by the fact that the fare will cost 3 times the regular ticket, because your VIP experience includes the following  amenities: A seat to yourself. Air-conditioned cabin. 1 croissant. 1/3 L bottle of Coke. You'll never have to worry about purchasing overpriced headphones! The in-flight entertainment (actually just pirated music videos consisting of a tasteful blend of obscure 90's artists, Nigerian pop music, and karaoke tracks of the Carpenters) is played at an ear shattering volume for EVERYONE to enjoy! Once this DVD is finished, you'll be privileged with French news radio at an equally alarming volume. Nglonkafac Air caters to the Cameroonian aversion to tranquility. You're also allowed, even encouraged to use your cell phone! Don't feel bad about shouting over the noise of our in-flight entertainment system. We hope you enjoy your flight on Nglongkafac Air, treated to our Cameroonian hospitality!

TL;DR Lots is going on this week. We got Friday off so I was able to help out reorganizing a school run by American missionaries in exchange for the use of their washer and dryer. My clothes are SO CLEAN! My best buddy is leaving on Sunday for Germany, which is bittersweet. The visa thing isn't taken care of yet, but it's in the process and there's nothing I can do to speed it up. I have a "temporary" roommate, and it's a bit cramped in the man (now men) cave for the moment. Cameroon's buses made me realize that there's a good reason they don't have an airline service. I did a little piece exploring the likely conditions of flying a Cameroonian airline above which was pretty fun to write.

Found this Toyota in Ikata and stopped to take pictures

The owner came out and asked what we were doing. I told him we were trying to steal it and then started laughing. He stopped asking questions after that.

Inside of a cocoa seed pod. That white pulp is the part you can suck off the seeds.

Making palm oil the old fashioned way

Managed to winnow it down to 3 passengers on the way back to Buea

Unattained objectives

I spent Sunday through Wednesday in the capital city of Yaoundé. Here's a quick rundown of the trip: First the bad. Of course, I went to get my visa renewed and in brief - that didn't happen. I got the ball rolling, but the longer version is that I spent over $100 to go there and spend 3 days just for the people at the Union office to make a copy of my passport. This being 2016, I should think it reasonable that a photocopy could have been made here in Buea and sent to them without me having to bodily go to Yaoundé to give it to them. The hospital administration seriously dropped the ball on informing me of this, and I'm still a little sore about it. The worse news is that they'll need my real passport for the stamp in about a week, so instead of staying in Yaoundé the whole time to wait for it, I opted to come back. I either have to entrust my passport and the 50-70,000 CFA renewal fee to somebody, or return to Yaoundé myself. So it looks like I'll be going back sometime next week. This option is only possible if they get the letter back before my visa actually expires, after which I'd be restricted from travelling outside of Buea at the risk of being caught with an expired visa. Otherwise I have to trust someone with my visa, which is a little bit too risky for my preference.

                

The good part is every other part of the trip was pretty neat. After getting to Yaoundé I made it to the Union office which was closed on Sunday afternoon. The French-speaking gatekeeper miraculously figured out my problem, and called somebody who took me to the compound where some Union workers stay. This was to be my "home base" for the duration of my stay. It had great views of the city and was in the "expat" part of town (with all the embassies). This meant that there was a supermarket 100 meters from the place, as well as some awesome restaurants. I waited until 9:30 pm for the current guests to leave, and tiredly got settled in. The first thing I noticed was the persisting smell of a hamster cage, which left little doubt as to whether I was sharing the room with mice. I met a guy about my age on arriving, whose name was Markus. He spoke English really well so I quickly latched onto him. He took me on a walk to show me around the area while we were waiting for the other people to leave. Turns out he's a vegetarian too! I had pizza with him after our walk to kill a little more time. It was his first time trying pizza, and he seemed to think it was okay, although he was worried that it was too expensive.

               

Monday morning was the visa fiasco, and I struggled with my French, but kept seeming to find an English speaker at just the right time. I managed to tour the SDA dental clinic located just below the Union offices too. That afternoon I helped Markus butcher a sick goat. Ironically, of all the possible candidates living on the compound, the two vegetarians were the ones doing this...   I'm not complaining though, it was really interesting and quite possibly the most "medical" procedure I've performed here. Seeing how all the muscles, internal organs, bones, tendons, etc. are packed in there is a pretty amazing and inspiring reminder! (WARNING: Pictures included below. I've posted the tamest ones I can find. The girl who I gave my camera to took some pretty graphic shots) After washing the smell of butchered goat off my hands (this was a real challenge) I went to a Chinese restaurant walking distance from the compound. I had tofu there for the first time in 6 months! On Tuesday I took a walking tour of Yaounde, and ended up visiting a garden, a cool monument, and a zoo. I ate Indian food for dinner. I'll tell you this, it's easy for Americans to feel like America is the center of the world and English is the only language ever, but when you see two Chinese guys ordering food from an African waiter in French at a restaurant owned by an Indian guy it really shakes up this mentality! Expatriates are an interesting bunch for sure.  By Tuesday I was a lot more comfortable with my French. Not good, but comfortable. During my stay, my lunches typically consisted of bread, fruit, and (real!) cheese. The bread in Yaounde is so cheap it's practically free and it's of way higher quality than anything in Buea. There's so much more variety with pastries too. And of course there were tons of supermarkets with cold sections so cheese was readily available. Any time I saw a supermarket or bakery I always went inside, mostly just to gawk at all the options. I spent most of my time on foot, so this happened quite often. Especially on Tuesday, I think I walked probably at least 6 miles. Other highlights of the trip included tuning up the kids' community bike on the compound, eating ice cream twice, unsuspectingly getting caught in the crossfire of a shoving match in downtown Yaounde, and getting sunscreen in my eyes with my hands full, walking around semi-blind and with tears cascading down my face until I managed to hail a taxi with my eyes closed. I didn't want to stop moving to make myself vulnerable to pickpockets or muggers in the busy part of town, and I had sunglasses on to hopefully conceal the fact that I was walking around with my eyes mostly closed. Aside from failing the main objective of the trip, I'd say it was at least interesting, if not a success.

TL;DR Went to Yaounde to renew my visa. Didn't get a new visa. Got ice cream, good food, and a lot of interesting experiences including butchering a goat, desperately trying to get by with my French that's not as good as I thought it was, seeing lions in a zoo (still wish I could see something besides birds and rodents in the wild, but evidently that's not in the cards)

View from my room

Giant cathedral in the main roundpoint of Yaounde

That's right, Yaounde has a Hilton! Little out of my price range

Cool Renault delivery van that's miraculously still running and in decent shape

La Monument de Reunification

Thought it was roadkill, but nope, just naptime!

First and probably only lions I've seen in Africa

This car (now parked at the SDA Union compound) used to belong to Cameroon's first president

Jesus, eagles, and Hannah Montana

Quick warning to all you Joe Walsh fans out there: This post has nothing to do with THE Eagles, but the bird of the same nomenclature. Sorry. I'm disappointed too.

This week has been really good. I feel like I've snapped out of a slump or something. I'll be honest, throughout the end of January and February I was struggling quite a bit with my job here, but I was also generally lonely and homesick. This month in has been a breath of fresh air so far, and I'm thankful. The way church goes here is not much my style, and I usually get nil out of it, but lately I've been able to get inspiration from other means: Playing guitar for prison ministry has been a pretty good experience for me. Getting to see a giant thunderstorm put my relative size and problems in perspective, and after the rain the clouds parted and for the first time in weeks I got a great view of the mountain that is the dominating backdrop of the northern horizon. Gorgeous, all of it. And to think I climbed it 8 weeks ago! That's the best part. Regardless of my string of back-to-back good days, things (especially work) are still difficult at times, but I hope my good mood sticks around. Another wonderful thing is that mango season is now in full swing, and, though small, there are tons of them everywhere (for really cheap)! They've quickly moved into my top 3 favorite fruits of all time behind kiwi and pineapple, and I've been known to eat 3 or 4 on a good day.

On Sunday the plan is to travel to Yaoundé to get my passport renewed. I'd appreciate your prayers and thoughts as I travel! The plan is to get all the boring stuff taken care of on Monday and then spend the next 2 days on a self guided tour (that more likely than not will turn into some sort of gastronomy). I'll also be forced to practice my French, since it's the main language there. At any rate, I'm looking forward to a few extended days off of work and the chance to see a new part of Cameroon. I still haven't had more than 2 consecutive workdays off since coming here, and in total I'd estimate I've only missed 10 workdays in total counting observed holidays and sick days (I worked on Christmas Day for pity sakes). I feel like I'm getting a raw deal when I realize my peers who are teaching get several weeks for Christmas, a week for Spring break, etc, etc, but I guess I'm getting the real "working man" experience here. Kinda makes me want to stay in school. Like, forever.

Upwards of 75% of the vehicles on the road here in Buea are taxis. Taxi drivers don't seem aggressive or competitive between each other, unless you're talking about the sweet bling they add to their cars. At first I thought they might just be trying to be more visible to other cars. Then I remembered an old saying I heard from a fisherman: "Selling fishing lures is 10% about attracting fish, and 90% about attracting anglers". I think that this maxim also can be applied to taxis, where fish are represented by other cars and anglers are represented by customers. I mean if they just wanted to be visible to other cars, they'd do the obligatory yellow paint job and just leave it at that. If you enjoy people watching or bird watching, you should come to Cameroon and try taxi watching as a pastime! It's pretty entertaining. Here are some things I've seen that make me say C'est ridicule, quoi! (Translation: That's freakin' ridiculous. It's becoming one of my all time favorite French expressions.) Some stuff is common, some stuff I've only seen once or twice:

• So many miniature flags hanging inside the windshield that I couldn't see out of it from the passenger seat.
• Taxis with about a dozen small plastic shoehorns hanging off the rear bumper.
• Taxis with electronic screens in perfect view of the driver (usually off or broken)
• Studded snow tires.
• A taxi dashboard plastered with multiple stickers of Jesus, eagles, and Hannah Montana. Not sure what was so appealing about this particular combination
• Taxis with stickers on the dashboard listing 50+ "symptoms" of yeast infections. Good information for a "medical missionary" although not the place I'd expect to learn it.
• Taxis with stickers on the glass obstructing  view of the speed/rpm gauges. Often times the gauges don't work so it's not like they're blocking anything useful.
• On a lot of taxis they remove the manual window cranks on the back doors and keep one in the glovebox. This is nice on longer trips so the handle isn't digging into your thigh. With 4 people squashed in the back seat, it really does make a difference.
• Really really matted shag carpet seat/dashboard covers. Pretty gross to imagine what all is hiding in those shag dreads.
• Taxis with ski/snowboard racks on the top (very common). They drive around with them open so they look like a bird trying to take off.
• LED lights. Everywhere.
• Quotes that are total nonsense, typically painted on with the exact same 3 colors of house paint (Maybe they're unionized and got a really good deal on these 3 colors...?) I stood out at the road for just 5 minutes to gather examples. Top 3 strangest phrases I saw were "Na Milk", "No Laf Man", and "Grand OJ". Other very popular terms include "VIP", "Turbo", and "Transformers"
• Abandoned taxis. On blocks, upside down, converted into chicken coops, advertisement boards, etc. If you can imagine it, it's undoubtedly been tried.
• A taxi with a giant, cast iron cross on the top. Wait, no that was a hearse. Different kind of taxi I guess :)

My curiosity got the best of me after seeing the hearse, because at that point I realized that I haven't seen any cemeteries in Buea. I asked around and found out that people here bury the deceased in their yards. Tribes from the Douala region bury them inside their houses, and yet other tribes bury a deceased spouse under the bed of the surviving partner! Guess that would rule out re-feng-shui-ing your bedroom! Some tribes keep the head of the patriarch in a plexiglass box. Other regions have regular cemeteries. Yard burial starts to seem pretty mainstream compared to some of the other stuff! This brings up more questions though: What if you live in a multistory building and want to bury your sweetheart under your bed? Do you rent out the apartment below you or bury them in the lobby...? Is there like a certain distance limit before it doesn't count? Like 3 stories max? If one decides to play Dance 2016 and forgets that Uncle Bob was buried in the rec room are they still technically dancing on his grave? And what if Aunt Sally dies right after you get the lawn fertilized? Are you really gonna dig all that up? Some questions just aren't meant to be answered I guess.

TL;DR My week was great, and I have a few days of "vacation" to look forward to soon. I still have only gotten a handful of off days (most of which I had to beg, plead, and/or play hooky for) so this feels well-deserved! It's technically a working vacation since my whole intent for going is to get my visa renewed. It's properly rain season, and consequently mango season now. I'm convinced that mangos are one of the best things Africa has to offer. Taxis here have some pretty interesting features that could only be described as kitschy. List above is worth a quick perusing IMO. Burial practices here range from standard to eyebrow-raising, and everywhere in between. Learning about these practices left me with more questions than answers.

This X-Ray should be in a textbook as an example of _________?

The new apartment building that was supposed to be finished in November

The union came for an audit of the hospital. James Earl Jones is their treasurer?!

Did war with a squatter/mouse 2 times in 24 hours so I tried to seal up my threshold a little better with duct tape and cardboard. So far it seems to have worked!

Regular attendance for the gym on a Thursday night. Typically we have 40+ guys working out between this room and one adjacent about 1/3 this size.

Last Sabbath I hiked to a waterfall. Behind the branches you can see the plastic box with the Virgin Mary, conveniently provided by your friendly, neighborhood Catholic parish. Not pictured are the 2 large viewing auditoriums behind me. I hiked 30 minutes back in pouring rain until a truck driver offered me a ride.

WARNING: This photo contains graphic descriptions of symptoms and references to reproductive organs

Je parle que un peu

This week has had a lot worth mentioning. First of all, last weekend on Saturday, the annual Mount Cameroon Race for Hope occurred. Each year a number of participants run in an almost marathon (24 miles) that goes from the local "sports complex" (basically a soccer field and a basketball hoop) all the way to the top of Mt. Cameroon, and then back. I woke up a lot earlier than I normally would on a Saturday to watch them all run by. As usual, I was awake and out the door on time (6am), and the race started an hour and a half later than I was told it would. Either it started late, or I was misinformed. Either is equally likely! At any rate, it was cool to watch the people headed out, knowing exactly how far they had ahead of them. Having climbed the mountain myself makes their achievement that much more impressive, I walked up (barely) and I was absolutely knackered! It took me 2 days to do what the fastest ones do in 4 hours. I can't imagine how tiring it must be. Many locals compete specifically for the prize money of winning 1st place - the equivalent of $20,000. The top finishing male and female each win this amount. There's also a relay category, and I'm not sure what the winning team of that gets. Most people start training like a month in advance, hoping to be the one to win. Of course the ones that win it are the ones that have trained all year, and many of them have won it before. One woman won it 7 times before being forced into retirement. Predictably, there are other "thrillseekers" (or masochists) who come to Cameroon just for the race. I saw a smattering of Europeans and Americans (all white people look the same so I couldn't be sure who was who). I also heard rumors that there were at least a few Kenyans running, but I can't confirm this. I mainly just watched in the morning as they were headed up. The first place runner passed by on the way back while I was at church. I could tell because the first place runner has a police escort, with sirens. After church most of the people were coming by 2 or 3 at a time, and all very spread out, so it didn't keep my attention for very long.

This last week the weather reached the height of its intolerability. The mornings for the past few weeks have been nice and breezy but by about 1 in the afternoon it would heat up and the air would get stagnant. I start sweating pretty bad in my 100% polyester scrubs. They're not the epitome of breathable, that's for sure! At any rate, the clouds have been rolling in and it's been looking like it really wants to rain for the past 2 weeks. I was hoping it would just do it already, because that would probably bring the humidity down a few points. On Tuesday, sure enough, it poured for a good  hour, and then rained even more during the night. Made the atmosphere a lot more pleasant, and it cut down on the dust too which was a nice side benefit! Of course now there's mud, but it's a change at least.

One day in the clinic we had a patient who said she didn't speak English (of course there are different degrees of "don't speak English", but she seemed pretty high functioning). At any rate, she was adamant about speaking French, so the doctor had me get someone to translate. After that I figured I had nothing to lose by trying, so I started asking her the usual questions in French (What's the matter, how long has it been the matter, have you taken any meds, do you have HIV). Even without the translator's help I got a good idea of what was going on. I ordered the labs, explained what we were going to do, and sent her to the lab. When she got back I didn't even bother getting the translator, I just explained the diagnosis and medications as best I could. This was pretty exciting for me because it marked my first consultation done entirely in French. It was touch and go at times but I still felt pretty accomplished that I was even able to get through the entire thing and get the point across at least. Looking back to less than 6 months ago when I got here only knowing "Bonjour", "Excusez-moi" and struggling to spit out a "Ou sont les toilettes?" on a good day, I'm pretty excited about my progress! I'm hoping it sticks and I can find some time to continue learning it back in the States.

I had the opportunity to give a guitar lesson this week as well. The kid's already pretty good, but he seemed to think he could learn a thing or two from me, so who was I to turn him down? Not sure it will turn into a weekly thing, but I may meet with him a couple times a month just to show him some stuff.

I took a walk at some point during the week after work, just hoping to experience some new sight, sound, smell...    anything really. These walks usually don't produce anything interesting, but today's walk was different. As I was walking I saw a sign on a building that said "Art Exhibition - free portraits". I was curious so I snooped around and found an open door! It was 3 friends doing a joint showing. I managed to find it within the last few hours of the last day! I looked at the numerous paintings for probably 20 minutes, stopping for the artist to explain each one. A lot of recurring themes were animals, the future, opportunity, inspiration, etc. They used a lot of very cultural symbols which was a cool new way to learn about the culture. I had seen plenty of songs and dances, plenty of carved wooden sculptures, but not many paintings. They seemed excited to have me there, they actually gave me one of their smaller paintings just as a souvenir! Obviously the intent is that I hang it up somewhere that a lot of people will see it to get them some publicity. Transporting it back to the U.S. might prove a bit of a challenge, but for a free painting, I think I can make something work! I'll definitely have to take it off of the frame. As promised, one of the three amigos sketched my portrait. He confessed it was the first time he had ever drawn a white guy. I think all things considered he didn't do too bad. I put the picture up so you can decide for yourself though.

TL;DR Interesting week involving the annual Mt. Cameroon race, the arrival of rainy season, giving a guitar lesson, speaking French, and happening on a free art exhibition.

I've long since gotten over the novelty of people carrying things on their heads, but this guy stuck out a little more than others.

People running by. I have lots more pictures of this, but one is probably sufficient.

First helicopter I've seen since leaving the US. This one was providing aerial coverage of the race.

African Corbin next to American Corbin

I somehow get the feeling that Nike doesn't do many field tests in Africa

Tiny Tropical Taquitos

First of all I'd like to mention that choosing the title this week was an excruciatingly difficult tossup between "Beanied Babies" and "Tiny Tropical Taquitos". Hands down hardest decision of the week.

It's been another week at the grind. Things at work are still about the same. The hardest part of it all is doing stuff that I don't want to do after work. I mean, after you've spent 8 hours doing something you don't want to do, the last thing you want to do is more stuff you don't want to do. A small consolation is that I'm sure I'm not the only person who's experienced this! That's why I try to relish every minute of not working. I tell myself that even the stuff I don't want to do is something different than the 8 hours of stuff I didn't want to do, but already did.
Last Sunday I ran out of chores, so I made the trip all the way to Limbe with the sole intention of finding and purchasing mangoes. They weren't easy to find, but I eventually did manage to buy about 10 of them! Definitely worth the searching, they tasted great! Later this week I actually found more in Buea. I also got 2 care packages this week, so that was a good morale booster.  Wednesday of this week was pretty interesting. Our plumber seems to be providentially (for him, not us) re-contracted for every job the hospital needs. He's worked in my apartment twice and done a real bang-up job. On Wednesday he was working in the doctor's office during a consultation. He was methodically hitting the faucet with a hammer. I'm not sure what he was expecting to happen, but all this hammering came to fruition and he sheared the entire pipe right off of the wall. Cue the onslaught of water. The plumber attempted to remedy this problem by sticking his thumb in the pipe. Ever stuck your thumb over the end of a hose? Same effect. The patient, the doctor, the doctor's paperwork, the curtains, the table, and I all received a good drenching.
I took this as an omen that I should visit one of the local hotel's swimming pools that I'd heard about. I had a great time swimming laps, even though the visibility of the water was only like a meter and a half. I also bit the bullet and solicited the services of a Cameroonian barber. He actually did a decent job. My haircut vaguely resembled the picture I showed him, so I was impressed. He was very thorough, touching up my facial hair and even inside my nose a little! (Imagine getting your nose hair trimmed with a full size pair of clippers that are hot from running on and off all day. My eyes are watering just remembering)
Speaking of all this water, the weather has been starting to get a more cloudy, and even more humid. I didn't think it could possibly get any more humid, but it did! We haven't had any rain yet, but it looks like it could come at any time. We're starting to reach the end of the dry season here, so I don't know if it will gradually get rainy or if it's just gonna start one day and not stop until I leave. I'll keep ya'll posted.

Here's another culture thing I've noticed here. People always ask for food. It's not even the type of thing where they ask to bum a couple chips off you if you're eating them. They're more like asking you to bring them an entire bag of chips, or even cook them food sometimes. I can't even count the times I've run into a "Hey, do you have anything for me?" kind of scenario. They'll even guilt you: "Why don't you ever bring me anything nice?". Lady at the post office hit me with that one a while back. This strikes me as being pretty rude, but understanding that it's a part of their culture takes away some of my incredulity. Of course, in our culture asking for any kind of gift or handout is considered rude, so this was a big shock for me! I don't think it's the "I'm white and therefore loaded" type of a thing either, because I'm pretty sure they do it to each other too.
My grasp of the idea is still foreign, because I essentially see it as just another bribe, this time of the food variety. It's used to buy off friendship or earn a little credibility. Incidentally the lady at the post office complained every time I came in an hour before the listed closing time. An hour before closing?! What kind of a government institution is this? And what could she possibly have to do than her job during business hours? I don't even know. But ever since I took her a cup of chocolate pudding she seems to be a little less grumpy. I'd return the "favor" of mooching food off people, but as a picky eater by African standards (i.e. vegetarian) it'd be awfully risky.

Not surprisingly, African child rearing is a lot different than it is in the U.S. For one thing, nobody here is refusing vaccinations on account of any reason other than not having the money (some shots are free though). I think that's mainly due to the fact that when you're in Africa the general feeling is that nature's out to kill you, whereas in the U.S. people see the outdoors as an all-you-can-eat buffet of recreational opportunities. In hanging out with Americans who have an infant child, I noticed another consequence of these differing views. When I was with these Americans I noticed their baby was wearing only two articles of clothing: a diaper and onesie (one of those unisex numbers that's reminiscent of a one-piece swimsuit). The only reason I even took note of this fact is that it triggered the realization that every single African baby I've seen here has been bundled up like the little brother from A Christmas Story. I mean, we're talking fleece-jacketed, mittened, double-wool-socked, beanied babies here.
 I'm not sure what the reason for this is, but I suspect that the African parents are hoping to offer their child some protection from mosquito bites. If this is the case, they oughtn't bother.  I would guess (and this isn't even an exaggeration) that 99.5% of Cameroonian children contract malaria at least once by the time they're 2 years old. Not to mention the American kiddo rolls around in diapers and hasn't had malaria yet (knock on wood, she's still got a ways to go before she's 2!).
The other, more obvious explanation seems almost too absurd to mention. Maybe these parents think their babies are cold. This would have to be one doozy of an old wives' tale. I mean, how anyone could convince a parent that their baby is cold in a climate this hot and humid is beyond me. Sure, it can get cool at night, but these parents have their babies straight up swathed 24 hours a day. It seems to me like the equivalent of locking an infant in a car on a 35 degree day (remember, I'm in C mode). Cruel and unusual. And on top of that the humidity here is so high that even I bouncing curls like Shirley Temple (okay, not really).
By the time the toddlers are walking the parents usually have opted for a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, so they come around eventually. And when I'm in villages I've definitely seen a fair amount of streaking by kids under the age of 6 especially near running water sources. That mental picture right there should give you a quintessential understanding of how typhoid fever and malaria spread.
Another kind of interesting thing to mention is that I haven't seen a single pacifier since I've been here. I'm not sure about this, but it may have something to do with the fact that breastfeeding in public is commonplace here, negating the purpose of a pacifier. Maybe pacifiers are just out of vogue all over the world, I don't keep track. Now that I've mentioned two hot button issues in one paragraph (vaccinations and breastfeeding in public) I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

TL;DR Work this week was mostly unimpressive as usual. Last Sunday I made a trip to Limbe just to buy mangoes. Maybe a little crazy, but 40 hours a week of copying patient information by hand is enough to drive most people slightly nuts. The highlight of the workweek was when the plumber decided to play Shamu and soaked everyone in the front row. He's great at making big messes, but I can't speak for his ability to actually fix plumbing. I also checked out a hotel swimming pool that was murky, but adequate. Got a haircut from a Cameroonian barber later that day. He probably would have shaved my legs for me if I'd let him, but I stopped him once he got to my neck. I've found that mooching food here is almost obligatory, and parents here wrap their kids up like tiny tropical taquitos until they're old enough to walk.

Chillin with the abominable snowman (more like sweating it out with the abominable snowman)

Hotel Chariot pool. The only pool in town as far as I know (and therefore the deadliest. Multiple people drown here each year according to the Cameroonian doctor at the hospital)

Feel like a raging narcissist posting 3 selfies in a row, but this is how my haircut turned out. Next week there'll be more pictures of stuff other than yours truly.

A 3-Hour Tour...

Sorry I'm late this week! Our internet went down Wednesday, and in true African style it took until Saturday afternoon to get it working again. Anyway, it's working again thankfully!

Job update: I've learned and re-learned the fact that I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a pencil pusher. It's actually pretty ironic, because before coming here I absolutely hated any type of paperwork. Who would have imagined that I would end up doing mostly that when I came here? Clearly, I still don't care for it, but having endured it so much I think I will have a little more tolerance for it in the future. As long as I never have to do it 8 hours for 8 months again. I try to have a good sense of humor about the whole situation, and it's building character I guess. I still have waves of boredom and discouragement though. Especially when I catch flak (like I did this week), but that's how life goes! I've long since accepted the idea that I won't feel appreciated or needed here, and realized that that's not my fault, or anyone's really. I'm still hoping to have the chance to work in different parts of the hospital, but as the months go by that's looking less and less likely.

It's been a rollercoaster week, but overall pretty decent. The 4-day weekend improved my overall outlook and energy level. Unfortunately, ever since last Thursday I have had some kind of laryngeal phlegm situation going on. This in combination with really bad insomnia at the beginning of the week was a bit of a drag. I don't know if I'm actually getting sick or am just having a reaction to all the dust and dryness of the season. Either way, I've been tired this week! Last Saturday I went with the usual German group and a handful of Africans to an island off the coast in Limbe. The boat ride to and from the spot was...    thrilling. Our vessel was more comparable to a giant canoe than a typical seagoing vessel. As one might expect from a canoe in the ocean, it was super tippy and had about 6 inches of water in the bottom of it at any given time. The waves splashing over the bow were probably the most concerning part. Once we got there it became clear that this was a very small island, and there wasn't much to do there (the beach was tiny, rocky, and the swimming sucked because of all the rocks). Interesting or not I'm SO MAD because I brought my camera, but left the SD card in my computer. Did the same thing climbing Mt. Cameroon. Of course the only times there's anything to take a picture of, I'm caught with my pants around my ankles. Anyway, that's why there's no pictures this week. At the beach with nothing better to do, I spent 2 or 3 hours filling my pockets with sea glass. My theory is that people come to this island, get sozzled, and leave their broken bottles everywhere. There was so much sea glass. You could probably have filled at least one 5 gallon bucket (maybe even 2) with all of it, and the beach area was only about the size of a basketball court. It was insane. There was quite a bit of other, less attractive litter on the island too. All of the white people were trying to clean it up a little, while all of the Africans in our group pretty much canceled out our efforts. The group brought bread, Nutella, and pastries to eat for lunch, and later they prepared something with meat in it so I didn't eat any of that.  We spent about 6 hours there on the island, and it was interesting at first, not to mention relaxing. I was in the mood for a little more adventure though. I guess the boat situation quenched some of that thirst, but if there was a whale or a shark or something involved I'd have been more stoked. I'm needing to make a trip to Yaounde very soon to renew my visa, as it expires near the end of March. This is going to be a bit pricey, but I'm thinking I'll spend a night there and check out the town some while I'm out that direction. Apparently I can get a guest room at the SDA Union office for a really good price, as long as there's a vacancy.

Cameroon has tested my ability to do quick mental math. For instance, if you receive 3 coins in change from the taxi driver, how many different ways could he have given you the wrong change (not counting the coins that fell out of your pocket and got lost in the seat cushion during the trip)? Since the coins here are redesigned every time they mint a new batch (about every 10 years, part of the reason correct change is so hard to come by) sometimes you'll find that a 500 franc piece is the same approximate size and color as a 100 franc piece of a different vintage. It's also important to be able to quickly calculate cost/unit. In the U.S. buying in bulk is more economical 99% of the time. Here it's quite the opposite. A great example: Buying 1, 100 gram bar of chocolate costs 800 francs at most stands. However, buying 4, 25 gram bars costs only 150 francs apiece. This means my way is 200 francs cheaper (savings of about 40c). In perspective, this is actually a reasonable amount of money - it'd pay for your taxi ride to and from the place to actually buy the chocolate (or an extra 25 grams of chocolate and a long walk...) At any rate, it's important to keep an eye out for a cheaper alternative, and sometimes it's the opposite of what one might expect! Especially in stores and to some extent at roadside stands, the buying pressure is usually pretty low, but in the market it's hard to focus on what's a better price with all the chaos going around you. And if you even briefly make eye contact with someone or even glance in their general direction, they'll do just about everything short of physically dragging you to their stand to get your business. I've started wearing dark sunglasses any time I go and consciously focusing on using my peripheral vision. It's also good practice at firmly saying "I'm not interested". And keeping a sharp eye for pickpockets on top of all this makes shopping feel more like starring in a Jason Bourne movie.

TL;DR Another week of desk work in the history books! I'm the one writing the "history books" here at the hospital, and I have to say I like learning history better than recording it. It was a good week despite a bit of a cough and several sleepless nights. Last weekend I went to an island on a boat that even the Gilligan's Island cast would probably be suspicious of, and we were "stranded" on a small island for most of the day. Going out to shop for groceries at the market is a little like visiting WalMart in Merced on the day government checks arrive. It's tricky here because buying more isn't always a better value!

Marching through February

I've heard talk lately of getting the wifi range at the hospital extended. This would mean wifi access in my apartment and at work in the OPD (Outpatient department). Good grief that would be nice. I say "would be" instead of "will be" because I doubt it'll happen (if it does happen while I'm here it will be nothing short of miraculous). Even though Prosper and Mrs. Bellosillo have both mentioned it, I've learned that everything in Africa is tentative up until the moment that it's already happened. I definitely miss that about home. Being able to take people at their word. It's not that everyone's a liar exactly, it's just that there's a lot of pipe dreams that people aren't willing to see through. I miss the feeling of progress. Africa feels like the land that improvement left behind. It's an odd potpourri of people with smart phones, chickens and goats roaming free, public urination, and shoddy African workmanship. Even if they had great building materials, technologies, etc, the human resources tend to thwart any benefit of material resources. A building made of the best materials is still a dump if it's not constructed well. And if a building isn't maintained? Don't even think about it lasting. The jungle overtakes civilization at an unbelievable rate. Probably part of this progress problem lies in the extreme corruption (especially in the education system), but I think the cultural view of work ethic here is pretty apathetic. That's not to say everyone's lazy. Work smart, not hard is a good model in this case. Except here people choose one or the other. Working "smart" means taking shortcuts (and bribes more than likely). Basically leaves working well out of the equation entirely. Working hard means that the person probably hasn't received enough education to land a "working smart" job. And working well still isn't necessarily a given. Either way, I look forward to returning to American soil where progress is taken for granted. Anyway, enough of the criticism, on to something more upbeat:

Yesterday I got up and did my usual morning routine: eat breakfast, download French vocabulary to study during work, check my emails, check the traps (usually I get more emails than mice), and get ready for work. I showed up to the clinic a little late (traffic was pretty bad in the 50 meters between my apartment and the clinic...   that's my story and I'm stickin to it). Anyway, I didn't need an excuse because there wasn't anyone there! Patients, employees, stray chickens - the clinic was totally empty! I wandered back to my apartment not sure what to do. I checked the date. February 11...   what could that mean? I saw one of the nurses and asked "Ou ont tout le monde?" which is my poor French rendition of "Where is everyone?". I literally asked where the entire world is, which I'm not sure is exactly correct. She replied "Sais pas quoi" - I don't know! I wandered some more and ran into another nurse. This one explained to me (in English) that it was a national holiday: National Youth Day. Not sure what that meant at the time, I asked for the Cliff's notes version. She told me "Just go up to Bongo Square (Yes, I know it sounds like it's straight out of Donkey Kong, but that's neither here nor there) and you'll see a big parade of all the preschoolers, primary schoolers, high schoolers, university students, gendarmes, police, nursing students, culinary arts students, underwater basket weaving students." (and she went on ad nauseum for effect. So much for the Cliff's notes thing.) Okay, I thought to myself, looks like I'm getting a day off. I am ok with this. I took off at a brisk walk for Bongo Square. In theory a taxi would have been faster, but it was still only 8:15 and every official event here has started at least two hours late. I didn't know what time this was scheduled to start but I figured that I would have plenty of time. In addition, I only had a 5,000 franc note, and trying to get change for 5,000 from a taxi driver is like asking a penguin to recite the Gettysburg Address - expecting way too much. I walked past a lot of people who had set up shop near the area of the parade, selling spaghetti and hard-boiled egg sandwiches, bonbons, chunks of beef(...?) out of metal pots, yogurt, etc. I made it up to the square and waited around for like an hour and a half. I finally meandered over to one of the grandstands and found a seat. There was a live band there from the University, which was pretty neat. They actually weren't half bad! I knew things were getting close to kickoff when the governor's convoy rolled up. The parade finally started after I heard the Cameroonian national anthem for the first time and we listened to some 30 minute pre-recorded speech over the loudspeaker. Actually I shouldn't say we listened, I should say the speech was played. It was so quiet that nobody realized what was going on, so the dull roar of about 1000 individual conversations drowned out the moving words (clearly no Gettysburg Address) I'm sure were being delivered by some Cameroonian bigshot. Maybe even the President...? During this speech the 2-year-old sitting next to me developed a fascination with ma casquette et mes lunettes de soleil (baseball cap n' sunglasses). We took some killer selfies. The first group to finally go was the "nursing care" students. This is an all-in-one term describing pre-preschool, preschool, and kindergarten. Ages 3-5. Their interpretations of marching were pretty comical. The uproarious laughter lasted for about 10 minutes. I think all in all easily 1500-2000 kids eventually walked by, herded past by plenty of stressed out teachers. After that I watched scads of primary schoolers walk by, singing some song about the President leading Cameroon to "emergence" (whatever that means). From the national anthem to this point it had been almost an hour and a half, and I was getting restless and hungry. I left the grandstand to get closer and take a few pictures, and made my way back toward the hospital buying some snacks here and there along the way (changed that 5,000 in a grocery store finally!). The rest of the day was spent taking a siesta, studying French, making dinner, and lifting weights at the gym. The holiday was definitely unexpected, but you won't hear any complaints here!

As this parade was going on I felt the tiniest spark of something that I can only compare to patriotism. Obviously for a Cameroonian it would probably be a lot stronger, but to me it was just a dope experience to see such a display of national pride. I haven't seen anything like it since I've been here. Of course I'm not turning my back on the colors that don't run, I will still love apple pie and baseball (and PB&J) no matter how many parades or other civic events I see. Don't get me started on the presidential candidates, but I still love MOST aspects of my country! It was simply a great opportunity to see how other people show their allegiance to the nation that's made them what they are, for better or for worse.

TL;DR Things at the hospital are progressing as usual. And when I say "progressing" I mean it's nearly at a standstill. Every step forward is met by countless obstacles, which I'm sure are a telephone-pole-sized thorn in the sides of the administration. Yesterday I was surprised by a national holiday which gave me a day off and an interesting way to spend part of it - watching a parade. It was a nice time to get some big stuff done: namely mopping my apartment. I ended up taking today off too, giving myself a much desired 4-day weekend.

Entrance to the Sunday market

Standard thoroughfare in the market

Chawarma stand. Some people might say to look for the s#*! on a spit. Not me of course :)

Crowds as far as the eye can see on parade day

I wear my sunglasses at night...

Converting  Cameroon to Giants fans one toddler at a time